Posted in Word Therapy

Bear with Me

Just like the relatives that you see once or twice a year, the old holiday depression demons showed up for Thanksgiving and this is what they had to say as they pushed their way through the door:

“Nobody reads this blog.”  But its been a year of frustration, hopelessness, and fear and you’ve had enough of Uncle Gerry and his racist and ignorant rants.  So you scream right in that demon’s disgusting, long nose haired, bald headed face and say, “Who cares, you are writing for yourself and for those that can relate!Your nosey ass aunt who nobody likes comes back with, “You’re self centered, writing about what you’re going through.  You should be writing about what brings people up, not what brings them down.”  So you hand your spouse your Rock Star and vodka, take a deep breath, and calmly state, “This is reality.  I am making a path to happiness and getting through the hard is how I will find it.”

You’ve cut a lot family and friends out of your life because you feel you have been treated poorly.  Then you think about how it has been a fair amount of people you have let go.  The nasty voices of bratty cousins taunt you with, “Can they ALL be wrong?”  Kind of like The Beatles.  They are beloved by gajillions of people all over the world.  How can that many people be wrong?  So you force yourself  out of your own head and say, “You are who you are, good and bad.  Maybe some of those people are a loss, maybe some of them aren’t.  All you can do is move forward and learn from your experiences.”

Social media shows that all your favorites (Etst, We Rate Dogs, Busy Phillips) make you laugh and bring you joy.  Why can’t you be more positive and happy?  But just like the warm blanket your favorite grandma made you, you are able to relax by saying that you will keep going, knowing you will get there eventually.

As much as you want to tackle and work through all of it quickly, you know that’s not how it works.  You are not a cold turkey kind of gal and know that anxieties need to be dealt with head on and honestly.

You decide to try a new habit.  Every day you are going to have a grateful thought for every negative one.  For example: You woke up with pain in your arms and hands.  Your legs still work fine so you get up, eat breakfast, and go for a run.  The endorphins kick in, your hands and arms feel better, and all of the thoughts you had while exercising find their way to paper.  It doesn’t fix everything but it’s a start.  There are plenty of people in the world who love you and are there for you.  Those who aren’t and the vile demons are insignificant.  Whether it’s the holidays or not, you are important and can achieve your dreams.  It can be hard to remember that with depression.  But that doesn’t make it any less true.

Posted in Word Therapy

Is it Too Early? Is it?!

Around the end of August, when it is 100+ degrees outside, I start planning my Halloween décor.  I’ve tired of the heat by this time in summer.  The kids are back in school and the waterparks will all be closed in a couple of weeks.  As I am somebody that can’t just be in the moment, I start to daydream of fires in the fireplace, knee high boots, and that one time during a Southern California winter where I can wear one of my large collection of beanies.  And by Labor Day, my Hello Kitty Witch and Jack Skellington inflatables will be waving around on our front lawn, my freak flag out for all to see.

Last year this time I was all set to listen to Christmas music.  I had my Waitresses Pandora station queued up so I can listen to favorites such as “Do They Know it’s Christmas” by Band Aid, “Last Christmas” by Wham!, and “Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy” by David Bowie and Bing Crosby.  But the week before that the apocalypse had been ushered in by the 2016 election.  I was still devastated.  Getting up was a chore.  Rather than taking it day by day, I was focusing on minute by minute.  Music, which usually lifted me up, only reminded me of a time when I looked forward to the future.  For Christmas of 2016, I didn’t listen to holiday tunes.  I directed my attention on my kids and what could I do to show them to still believe in Santa Claus and what was good in the world.

With Thanksgiving a week away, I have hope again.  Indictments are being made.  Mueller is playing a game of chess with the White House while Dumb Ass in Chief is being a school yard bully with the leader of North Korea.  Instead of the news being on all the time, Bob Marley, Maroon 5, and even videogame music is being danced to.

So if you are that person that rolls their eyes at Christmas decorations before Thanksgiving, it’s all good.  But I’m going all in this year and blaring my “Baby It’s Cold Outside” for all to hear.  Because it makes me happy DAMNIT.  And don’t we all deserve a little bit after this (all the bad words in all the languages) of a year?