The last two weeks have been tough. I have had my physical and mental health challenged in a way that I was forced to get off my ass and realize that a pity party was not going to accomplish anything. I had to take action in a way that would force me to get better, no matter how hard it was.
Since May I have been experiencing symptoms that make it difficult to breathe after dinner. I finally broke down and went to the doctor only to be told that it could be one of two things and it would require lab work and an ultrasound done to figure it out. Unfortunately, my health insurance is crap so it would be costly to get them done. I chose the world wide web route and found that there are natural methods proven to be successful in eliminating what I might have. One of these methods is eating a low fat diet. It can only make me healthier so it was an easy choice. Other methods involved drinking apple cider vinegar (GAG) and doing a cleanse. The more research I did, the effective I read that apple cider vinegar is. So I am began choking down ¼ cup of the nastiness down a day. As for the cleanse, it was a 20 hour cycle of eating nothing and drinking the most god awful liquids I wouldn’t wish on anybody. Hopefully all of these things will put me in the right direction and on the road to recovery.
My mental health was a little bit trickier. With physical health, logic can be applied without question. Mental health and emotions make every choice a grey one. Getting out of my own head is something I struggle with daily. So when it came to light that somebody in my life has made me enemy one, negative emotions threatened to overtake me. This person has said and done stuff targeting my family and I with such hatred that I am left feeling hurt, confused, and devastated. I wanted to know why. I am not perfect. I go between right and wrong, just like anybody else. I make mistakes. But to be on the receiving end of such viciousness is debilitating. I cried and tried to make sense of the situation. This has been going on for a good 10 years and trying to figure out what I have done wrong has left me up a lot of nights.
I have been angry and sad trying to work through this. And the only thing I can come up with is: IT’S NOT ABOUT ME. This person’s actions have no goodwill behind them. My family and I 100% don’t deserve it. This is a person that clearly only wishes to cause drama and I don’t want any part of it. It’s hard times like these that make me want to stay in my house and only interact with Curls, Red, and my hubby. My faith in people is lessened. But I do know it will get better. It’s just a matter of being patient.