I have talked about being sad before. I haven’t been professionally diagnosed so I can’t go on record as saying that I am mentally depressed. But one thing I know I have is triggers. Triggers are basically things that push my buttons and put me on edge. Being overwhelmed, not meeting deadlines, constantly having to repeat the same thing over and over again to my children are just a few of mine. I shut down, I cry, and I lash out. I am trying to get better about my reactions and take a deep breath and step back.
Yesterday I was put in a stressful situation for the afternoon. I tried to have a beer to relax but that didn’t help. I won’t go into detail but when the afternoon was over, I had a meltdown. It wasn’t something I could avoid. Later in the day my mind went into overdrive. My blog name is Talktwomuch but my brain and it’s ability to over think things is a whole other matter. I start to think about all the friendships I have lost over the past year and my part in it. Or that I can’t seem to stay on good terms with my one and only sibling. Or that I am not as pretty as I would like. Or that I am messing up as a parent. It goes on and on and shutting it off is not an option.
Eventually the negativity passes and I take charge. I realize I can’t control how people are going to be. But I can control how I am going to be. I am going to stop putting myself down and realize that I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I am not a perfect parent but the fact that I keep trying makes me a good one. There are people who do care about me, as easy as that is to forget. And last but not least, depression lies.